Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
