I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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