You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
