The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
the liver wants what the liver wants
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
