seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
