I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
