I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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