I molested 6 butterflies tonight
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
