3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
