dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
