I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
