everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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