theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
