Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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