three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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