I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
