I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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