I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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