Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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