I love black thongs
wat bout pragnant strippers??
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
