I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
