No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
