Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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