I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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