You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
