Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
