I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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