he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
