Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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