Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
