I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
one two three fourrrrnication!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So. Much. Porn.
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