bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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