Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
