I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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