I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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