My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
