you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
