Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Floor bacon is actually really good
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
