lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
