He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
