we're chasing vodka with high fives
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
