I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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