why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
