well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Still dying that you shit outside
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
