the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
