somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
