When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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