I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
