Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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