We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
