I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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