I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
