The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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