I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
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I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
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If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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