Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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