I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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