OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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