he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
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