i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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