I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
