i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
