apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
