Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
