If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
