How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
