you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
