I wish my penis had an off switch
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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