Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
