maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
