overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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