She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
