MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
