Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
